The Tourist Guide | VIVA
Sir, look at my problem keenly sir (Looking keenly) What happened sir? You only told to look keenly right? Whatever, what is your problem? Sir, please get me a passport to Mars. why do you want to visit mars? Sir I got selected for free chaitanya NASA Academy… So, I want to go there Oh, I have sent two Junior Lecturers recently as there are no proper staff in Mars Instead of getting into Mars rocket they stepped into Jupiter and they got no signals. Its a big pain in the a** dealing with them Because they don't listen to us. They will pay the price one day. Why only Mars in particular? Mars will be walkable distance to home sir. It will be easy to come and go back on festivals You are Right!! but.. Let me Check… Mars? Mars is full. Lets check for other planets Let me try for Jupiter. ummmm.. ummmm I can send you to Neptune Campus Don't worry. I will send you to one or the other planet. One minute.. "Helooo" Phone: "Hello Ronaldino" Phone: "Remember, my son is coming to India after 25 years" Phone: "You take his responsibilities" Sure sir I’ll take care from top to bottom I have seen many people's top to bottom sir Don't worry sir. I am the most best travel agent in India. Some NRI is coming to India for the first time… I dont know if he knows our culture and tradition Why are you still staring at me like an owl? I will push you in some rocket myself, now leave. Where do these people come from? Hello beta Tell papa… You called me and you are asking me to tell? Should I tell India score or what? What are you doing at home? Did you go to the tuition or not? How many times did I tell you to CONCENTRATE? Keep off the phone now He is becoming a liberal man day by day MR Ronaldino MR NRI?? Yes… its me! Welcome to India. Are you feeling excited? NO Why? I hate this country but why? What is this traffic? I landed yesterday and I reached here now… You came quickly only. Maybe there is no traffic Damn… all the roads are uneven Garbage everywhere… People honking casually for no reason MR RONALDINO I heard a lot about this Country… But there is no technology, no development There is nothing in this country You have misunderstood India completely… I will show you real India…come Can you see those nice holes on the road? Ya, those are pot holes… Why don't you guys complaint to the municipality? You think those are formed naturally? Ya Ya got it totally wrong… We only manually dig those holes Damn… I dont understand! That's why you should learn Physics properly First, you should know about Pothole Technology Pothole Technology? Why can't you undestand simple things? Holes I say! Generally, people after their office, reach their homes in just 2-3 hours So by sitting continuously for 2-3 hours on a bike or in a car won't make your body move It doesn't move? It moves for you or what? As the body is not moving, it causes dullness dizziness…laziness and other craziness feelings… will effect you So, to move the non-moving body… We use the Pothole Technology That's interesting! No, it is Pothole Technology So, when we lay new roads… Within a week, we go there and dig the roads OMG If you fall in that hole, it won't be normal at all If someone fall in that hole… That man gets very active… Whole body will Vibrate From top to bottom it will shake Ya, then? He will feel relaxeddd… I can't believe this… No..no..no… Can you see that 9-6 job worker? Ya Lets see his reaction when he falls in that hole Sure Damn…he shouted!!! Noooo…. He relaxed… Lets play that clip in slow motion again… Wow… Pothole Technology is amazing! This is nothing. I will show you more. This coconut water is amazing Don't overact. Do you get lemon juice from a… …coconut in your country? Sip…sip…sip… What the heck? Why are they crossing in orange? Whats wrong? We cross in Red also Damn… are you kidding? What do they do when its green in your country? We will go When its in orange? We will slow down and stop When its in Red? We won't go at all So Sad! What will you do in your country if its green? We go… If its in orange? We go in full speed Red? We will smash everyone and go… Why are you harassing me? What The Fish!!! Not only Fish, I told to cook prawns and mutton as well For the night… lets go. Why is he going in between cars? Its not going in between cars,its called Squeezing theory Our birth right! What? Birth right…birth right… Hey, not that. What is Squeezing theory? Why did you come to India, even not knowing Squeezing theory? I want to know about Squeezing theory Sure, I will explain you that. Hey, what, its all dark… Why do you panic for everything? Lights ON Why did they block the ambulance? Let someone die No one is giving way to the fire engine? Let something burn, what is your problem? How much time did it take for you to travel from airport to this place? It took me 1 day If you have used Squeezing Theory It would have just taken 1 hour How is it possible? Everything is possible in India But how? I will show, don't get impatient Imagine this is your bike… Drive this from this point to this point… I will show you Brother… You cannot live in India if you drive like this Take the vehicle back… go back Listen to me very carefully When you are driving… All your concentrate… MR Ronaldino? I can't see you What is your problem? Every time you panic I went to Pee… Shouldn't I Pee in my pants? When you are driving… You eyes and looks should be fixed on the road Don't give a damn to the beside vehicle… Or even if someone falls, you don't care You hand should be on the accelerator Accelerator should be in full You should forget that, you have breaks in your bike At the end of the day… You should Squeeze it like you mean it Now I will drive from here to here… Just see That's it! Now you drive… That's it… Very simple This is not right I am unable to hit the toys itself How are you people managing in the real time? India won't get developed like this. I will change India Nooo… India will change you Lights off Till how long did you plan to stay? 6 months Okay… lets see… So Mr Chang, how are the roads in your country? In my country, the roads are very straight and very smooth But in our country… They are up and down and round and round So that, you get a roller coaster experience Really? Thats why they say "If you can drive in India… …you can drive anywhere in the world" Hi Ronald dude Hey NRI!!! You have changed a lot! No… India changed me… Silly fellow… go go. Bye My friend… a living legend… Who is he? He is 'you after 6 months' Me?? Come… I will show you Ring Road.