The journey through loss and grief | Jason B. Rosenthal

Published by Darron Toy on

There are three words
that explain why I am here. They are “Amy Krouse Rosenthal.” At the end of Amy’s life, hyped up on morphine and home in hospice, the “New York Times”
published an article she wrote for the “Modern Love” column
on March 3, 2017. It was read worldwide
by over five million people. The piece was unbearably sad, ironically funny and brutally honest. While it was certainly
about our life together, the focus of the piece was me. It was called, “You May
Want to Marry My Husband.” It was a creative play
on a personal ad for me. Amy quite literally left
an empty space for me to fill with another love story. Amy was my wife for half my life. She was my partner in raising
three wonderful, now grown children, and really, she was my girl, you know? We had so much in common. We loved the same art, the same documentaries, the same music. Music was a huge part
of our life together. And we shared the same values. We were in love, and our love grew stronger
up until her last day. Amy was a prolific author. In addition to two groundbreaking memoirs, she published over 30 children’s books. Posthumously, the book she wrote
with our daughter Paris, called “Dear Girl,” reached the number one position
on the “New York Times” bestseller list. She was a self-described tiny filmmaker. She was 5’1″ and her films
were not that long. (Laughter) Her films exemplified her natural ability
to gather people together. She was also a terrific public speaker, talking with children
and adults of all ages all over the world. Now, my story of grief is only unique
in the sense of it being rather public. However, the grieving process itself
was not my story alone. Amy gave me permission to move forward,
and I’m so grateful for that. Now, just a little over a year
into my new life, I’ve learned a few things. I’m here to share with you
part of the process of moving forward through and with grief. But before I do that,
I think it would be important to talk a little bit
about the end of life, because it forms how I have been
emotionally since then. Death is such a taboo subject, right? Amy ate her last meal on January 9, 2017. She somehow lived an additional two months without solid food. Her doctors told us
we could do hospice at home or in the hospital. They did not tell us that Amy
would shrink to half her body weight, that she would never lay
with her husband again, and that walking upstairs to our bedroom
would soon feel like running a marathon. Home hospice does have an aura of being
a beautiful environment to die in. How great that you don’t have
the sounds of machines beeping and going on and off all the time, no disruptions for mandatory
drug administration, home with your family to die. We did our best to make those weeks
as meaningful as we could. We talked often about death. Everybody knows it’s going
to happen to them, like, for sure, but being able to talk openly
about it was liberating. We talked about subjects like parenting. I asked Amy how I could be the best parent
possible to our children in her absence. In those conversations,
she gave me confidence by stressing what a great relationship
I had with each one of them, and that I can do it. I know there will be many times where I wish she and I
can make decisions together. We were always so in sync. May I be so audacious as to suggest that you have these conversations now, when healthy. Please don’t wait. As part of our hospice experience,
we organized groups of visitors. How brave of Amy to receive them,
even as she began her physical decline. We had a Krouse night, her parents and three siblings. Friends and family were next. Each told beautiful stories
of Amy and of us. Amy made an immense impact
on her loyal friends. But home hospice is not so beautiful
for the surviving family members. I want to get a little personal here
and tell you that to this date, I have memories of those
final weeks that haunt me. I remember walking backwards
to the bathroom, assisting Amy with each step. I felt so strong. I’m not such a big guy, but my arms looked and felt so healthy
compared to Amy’s frail body. And that body failed in our house. On March 13 of last year, my wife died of ovarian cancer in our bed. I carried her lifeless body down our stairs, through our dining room and our living room to a waiting gurney to have her body cremated. I will never get that image
out of my head. If you know someone who has been
through the hospice experience, acknowledge that. Just say you heard this guy Jason talk about how tough it must be
to have those memories and that you’re there
if they ever want to talk about it. They may not want to talk, but it’s nice to connect with someone
living each day with those lasting images. I know this sounds unbelievable,
but I’ve never been asked that question. Amy’s essay caused me
to experience grief in a public way. Many of the readers who reached out to me
wrote beautiful words of reflection. The scope of Amy’s impact
was deeper and richer than even us and her family knew. Some of the responses I received helped me
with the intense grieving process because of their humor, like this email I received
from a woman reader who read the article, declaring, “I will marry you when you are ready — (Laughter) “provided you permanently stop drinking. No other conditions. I promise to outlive you. Thank you very much.” Now, I do like a good tequila,
but that really is not my issue. Yet how could I say no to that proposal? (Laughter) I laughed through the tears when I read
this note from a family friend: “I remember Shabbat dinners at your home and Amy teaching me
how to make cornbread croutons. Only Amy could find
creativity in croutons.” (Laughter) On July 27, just a few months
after Amy’s death, my dad died of complications related to a decades-long battle
with Parkinson’s disease. I had to wonder: How much
can the human condition handle? What makes us capable
of dealing with this intense loss and yet carry on? Was this a test? Why my family and my amazing children? Looking for answers, I regret to say,
is a lifelong mission, but the key to my being able to persevere is Amy’s expressed and very public edict that I must go on. Throughout this year,
I have done just that. I have attempted to step out
and seek the joy and the beauty that I know this life
is capable of providing. But here’s the reality: those family gatherings, attending weddings
and events honoring Amy, as loving as they are, have all been very difficult to endure. People say I’m amazing. “How do you handle yourself
that way during those times?” They say, “You do it with such grace.” Well, guess what? I really am sad a lot of the time. I often feel like I’m kind of a mess, and I know these feelings
apply to other surviving spouses, children, parents and other family members. In Japanese Zen, there is a term “Shoji,” which translates as “birth death.” There is no separation
between life and death other than a thin line
that connects the two. Birth, or the joyous,
wonderful, vital parts of life, and death, those things
we want to get rid of, are said to be faced equally. In this new life that I find myself in, I am doing my best to embrace this concept
as I move forward with grieving. In the early months
following Amy’s death, though, I was sure that the feeling of despair
would be ever-present, that it would be all-consuming. Soon I was fortunate
to receive some promising advice. Many members of the losing-a-spouse club reached out to me. One friend in particular who had also
lost her life partner kept repeating, “Jason, you will find joy.” I didn’t even know
what she was talking about. How was that possible? But because Amy gave me
very public permission to also find happiness, I now have experienced joy
from time to time. There it was, dancing the night away
at an LCD Soundsystem concert, traveling with my brother and best friend
or with a college buddy on a boys’ trip to meet a group of great guys
I never met before. From observing that my deck had sun
beating down on it on a cold day, stepping out in it, laying there, the warmth consuming my body. The joy comes from my three
stunning children. There was my son Justin, texting me a picture of himself
with an older gentleman with a massive, strong forearm
and the caption, “I just met Popeye,” with a huge grin on his face. (Laughter) There was his brother Miles,
walking to the train for his first day of work
after graduating college, who stopped and looked
back at me and asked, “What am I forgetting?” I assured him right away,
“You are 100 percent ready. You got this.” And my daughter Paris, walking together
through Battersea Park in London, the leaves piled high, the sun glistening in the early morning
on our way to yoga. I would add that beauty
is also there to discover, and I mean beauty of the wabi-sabi variety but beauty nonetheless. On the one hand, when I see something
in this category, I want to say, “Amy, did you see that? Did you hear that? It’s too beautiful
for you not to share with me.” On the other hand, I now experience these moments in an entirely new way. There was the beauty I found in music, like the moment in the newest
Manchester Orchestra album, when the song “The Alien” seamlessly transitions
into “The Sunshine,” or the haunting beauty
of Luke Sital-Singh’s “Killing Me,” whose chorus reads, “And it’s killing me
that you’re not here with me. I’m living happily,
but I’m feeling guilty.” There is beauty in the simple moments
that life has to offer, a way of seeing that world
that was so much a part of Amy’s DNA, like on my morning commute, looking at the sun
reflecting off of Lake Michigan, or stopping and truly seeing
how the light shines at different times of the day in the house we built together; even after a Chicago storm,
noticing the fresh buildup of snow throughout the neighborhood; or peeking into my daughter’s room as she’s practicing the bass guitar. Listen, I want to make it clear
that I’m a very fortunate person. I have the most amazing family
that loves and supports me. I have the resources for personal growth
during my time of grief. But whether it’s a divorce, losing a job you worked so hard at or having a family member die suddenly or of a slow-moving and painful death, I would like to offer you what I was given: a blank of sheet of paper. What will you do
with your intentional empty space, with your fresh start? Thank you. (Applause)


Xelbuad · July 3, 2018 at 9:49 pm

This is for you Anna.. I love you!!!

PresidentialWinner · July 3, 2018 at 10:04 pm


PresidentialWinner · July 3, 2018 at 10:05 pm

I lost my father a week ago

Medical Cannabis Spain · July 3, 2018 at 10:54 pm

grief, the price of love. I can accept that

Diego C · July 3, 2018 at 11:58 pm

What a strong man

Mr Incognito · July 4, 2018 at 12:52 am


Mr Incognito · July 4, 2018 at 12:57 am

So much of what you said here, truly hits home – – unlike anyone has ever been able to; thank you for that.

Ryan Wasserman · July 4, 2018 at 1:03 am

It really hit me hard when he went into the at-home hospice care. I too have vivid memories of watching over my mother in her remaining months after being diagnosed with stage IV brain cancer. I held her hand as she passed, whispering into her ear "It's OK Mom, you don't have to hold on any longer. I love you" (she was moaning and writhing in pain after surviving 2 years). I am happy to have had this chance for closure though. For the longest time, I continued on telling myself to do what would have made her proud (I was 21 when she passed). This worked, although I had the greatest relief and freeing moment of my life once I finally realized that I was doing what I, myself, wanted to do. For those out there who've lost loved ones; keep pushing, and things will get better. It doesn't, however, mean you need to forget their warm smile.

Raymond Crooms · July 4, 2018 at 1:29 am

Lost my sister tragically, lost my best friend tragically, and lost my mom tragically while in the military and wasn’t able to morn with my family or see her much for years before she passed I’m trying to fill the empty space I guess everyday is an opportunity. I am blessed with a great companion and two beautiful children. Blessed but dealing is tough

Guess Who Am I · July 4, 2018 at 2:41 am

Wait a sec, does this guy look like the SBS reporter in the world cup yesterday between Sweden and Switzerland?

Vaibhav Gupta · July 4, 2018 at 2:49 am

these kind of talks is why i like Ted.

Josh Hibbs · July 4, 2018 at 4:33 am

Thank you for this video! My mom passed away a little more than a month ago and my dad is deceased as well. I have a lot of grief in my life right now and this talk helped me.

Purva Jaish · July 4, 2018 at 5:00 am

Thankyou soo much…you inspire me…my husband suffered cardiac arrest 2 weeks ago and lost his battle 2 days later in the hospital…didn't even had a chance to say goodbye…i never dreamt our 12 yr marraige would come to such a devastating end…jus holding on and trying to stay strong for our 10 yr old boy whom i hv to console everynight…as he cries himself to sleep…..i know i am totally broken inside …jus taking one day at a time

Tina Shen · July 4, 2018 at 7:02 am

just read Jason B. Rosenthal's passage, and this video came up just to make me cry even more.

Alienfish20 · July 4, 2018 at 8:46 am

very insightful, I'm glad to see such a taboo subject covered so confidently.

Elihu Belocura · July 4, 2018 at 10:15 am

death is just a long sleep …all of us will soon go to a long sleep…😌😊

Naturally Latrice · July 4, 2018 at 12:55 pm

I lost my dad and the grieving process was a struggle. Some times I’m ok and can smile and laugh at memories and other times the pain and anxiety is overwhelming. My process has been realizing that it’s ok to be sad and cry. Those emotions are ok and perfectly fine because someone you love is gone. I’ve learned to not mix sadness with fear. It took me a long time to stop having panic attacks. Through my faith and prayer and actually getting in touch with what emotions I’m feeling I’ve began to finally heal. It’s ok to be sad. Don’t fear the sadness. Let yourself feel it and then remember that sadness does not equal fear and panic. Sadness makes sense because your loved one is gone. I lost my grandmother after that and I just lost my Aunt to cancer a week ago. I’m sad but also ok because I’ve learned how to let myself feel what’s necessary and put away the other emotions that become irrational.

Ethan Reid · July 4, 2018 at 3:18 pm

Is this loss

Talk Trauma To Me · July 4, 2018 at 4:08 pm

I also have memories of watching my father move my deceased sister's body from the morgue freezer to the gurney for cremation. The horrible memories remain of that day, but I do feel like I have a new blank page to fill. If you would like to talk about that experience – you can talk to me. Thank you for your honest and courageous speech.

mh niroomand · July 4, 2018 at 11:35 pm

I just lost My girlfriend in such a brutal way , i say lost i mean we ended our relationship ,
I've recently decided to start and have a healthy honest relationship and doing so , i tried to do my best and beyond my limits but in the end , it didn't worked and we broke up in such a brutal and cruel way that I've never been experienced in 26 years of my life after years of dating and different relationships as she used all of my emotional secrets and insecurities that I trusted her with them against me just to undermine me and break my control over my emotions , just to hear me break …
now , the pain is fading away as always and it slowly turning to a precious experience and life lesson
now , i thinking about what i'm going to do with my white Blank of sheet of paper , with my fresh start , as life goes on 🙂

Nicole Willshier · July 5, 2018 at 1:22 am

I wanted to listen to this talk because I recently lost my very close aunt, who is also named Amy. Sending love and well-wishes to Mr.Rosenthal and everyone else to find comfort in their grief.

ian Zaq · July 5, 2018 at 1:45 am

My mum, passed away in the wee hours of 26th June, 2018, eight days after my birthday and three years after her husband, my dad, passed away earlier. I've come from a creed where traditionally, eulogies were not practised but instead, warnings and lessons of the afterlife were read and emphasized whether for the living or the dead. Not something I necessarily agreed upon, but coincidentally, Jason B. Rosenthal's insight was something I agreed and needed for my own loss and grief.

Apart from my wife and my one and only daughter, I've estranged myself from others, next-of-kins, relatives, friends and the like. I just needed to be cut off from all, to be in my own space, I needed to quit the social media even. I needed to shout out to this world (but I couldn't, till now) about the legacy my mum had left behind. Her kindness to those in need, her many faceted talents, her meticulous handicrafts, and all she's done all her life, which has all come to naught, now that she's no more but always 'around'. Made especially worthless when eulogies were never read, or heard.

But graciously, through TED, Jason has provided a sort of avenue, not for me but for my mum to at least be heard. A closure so to speak.

Please allow this to be a dedication to mummy Saniah H. Her soul has finally been freed. Let there be no more sufferings in this lifetime of hers, only peace. God bless her soul forever.

William Marketos · July 5, 2018 at 9:44 am

Is this loss?

M. Kitteh · July 5, 2018 at 6:10 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you find each other again one day. <3

Maraika Gay Vergara · July 6, 2018 at 2:29 am

The speaker uses both the non verbal and verbal way of communication. The way he shares to the audience about his message is through speaking. He also adds body movements like hand gestures to point out the most important part of the speech.

abhishek kumar · July 6, 2018 at 4:10 am

Thank you!
I learnt lots of things from you….

Kevin Kircher · July 6, 2018 at 2:52 pm

Jason, Thank you so much for sharing. I have many of the same, but different feelings. I lost my wonderful wife of 30 years last year. I took care of her for ten long years, and would do it all over again if I could. It left me beaten battered and broke but not beaten. Yet I would walk the journey again if I could. The love we shared was so real and complete wish every one had such a love.  When Kate passed I closed her eyes, kissed her on the forehead and said good bye my love, I love you. Kevin

plartoo · July 7, 2018 at 3:56 pm

Over dramatizing the loss of someone dear to you will put you in permanent misery. His wife actually had done a disservice to him by writing this public "permission", making it a big deal out of it. There are more than 100K people who die each day. His loss is just one of them and he, someone from a first world country with apparently sufficient money, can find time to mope over his loss. But for most of the other people who lost their loved ones, they accept it and move on quickly(let the time heal).

I speak as someone who witnessed how my mom handled the death of her husband for 15- years (she was widowed at the age of 35). She realized that moping over her husband's death wouldn't do much good to the reality that she has three young kids to feed and educate; so she coped by quickly forgetting about her loss, and instead focusing on making enough money to feed and put myself and two siblings through school. If she were to be moping like this guy does, I'm sure I'd not be watching TED talk on a computer–instead would be toiling away at an office job as a clerk or something in a third world country.

If you concentrate on your loss, your sadness becomes accentuated. That's the fact. Get over it and don't try too hard to become a dramatic actor in a romantic movie. #FirstWorldProblem

Alex Gvozden · July 8, 2018 at 2:30 pm

when you truly love someone it's truly hard to move on, it take really lot of time

Jonas Bux · July 9, 2018 at 10:30 am

I love the yellow umbrella button on his suit. The sad story lovestory of Ted Mosby and Tracy in How I Met Your Mother represented by the iconic yellow umbrella as a basic symbol of loosing a spouse… keep up the positive spirit

Fai2012 · July 13, 2018 at 2:53 am

Aside from the tremendous lost, one usually feels great guilt when seeking or allowing joy to slip back into life in however small fractions. It almost feels like a betrayal to the part of you that was once so attached to the loved and the painful separation, and now, joy? No way! Jason you've mentioned it multiple times in the video about having the permission to be joyful.. Amy must have thought forward to give you that token in case, and when, you needed it. It was indeed the best gift she has for you. Be strong be happy my friend.

JAL3 · July 13, 2018 at 11:01 pm

I related so much to what he said at 8:00. I lost my grandpa in April and the times where it’s the worse, I feel like it can be too much and I feel like I can’t do this- I’m not strong enough to deal with this. The amount of time between the times where I break down grows more, but it’s still there and will randomly happen and smack me in the face.
Grief is so weird and random and even though it’s common knowledge that everyone who has lost someone feels like this, hearing it and relating to it makes it bearable.

Rashmi Shukla · July 14, 2018 at 2:42 am

I feel shattered, I write and feel content.
I feel sad, I write and feel happy.
I feel low, I write and feel confident.
I feel rejected, I write and feel appreciated.
Writing makes one complete and give you the sense of pride.

You are very strong and thank you so much for sharing your story.

Cecilia Spears · July 18, 2018 at 8:48 pm

One could only pray for a love like that… and the strength to continue on.

Dave Buxton · July 19, 2018 at 2:07 am

Thank you for sharing. Love a Light sent to you and your family.

Timidi DIGHA · July 20, 2018 at 3:44 pm

I lost my kids three weeks ago, 23rd June 2018 and at least ten people sent me this video to watch. Thank you for sharing

Mohammed Miyaji · July 23, 2018 at 11:59 pm


Old Books at Midnight · July 24, 2018 at 3:22 am

It was a sweet touch to be wearing the yellow umbrella pin. Amy would probably be proud of her husband.

Pablo Knecht · August 6, 2018 at 2:12 am

Cried my heart out

Vague Dryad · August 16, 2018 at 4:34 am

Lost my friend last year, but something is wrong with me and I can't get through my grief. Maybe I will learn

Sarah OK · August 21, 2018 at 8:06 am

How strong must one be to not cry throughout this entire talk .

ZiemniakPospolity · August 27, 2018 at 2:44 pm

It was a strong speech for me because I also have such relation with my wife… Luckly we are still young and healthy and smart enough to be grateful already for what we have.

Anna Evans · October 3, 2018 at 8:59 am

I lost my Mom in 6th August 2018 suddenly due to stroke while having dinner.
I feel so depressed and angry . Everyday is a struggle for me . Her dying scene keeps repeating in my mind every minute. I feel guilty as well as regret. Keeps myself blaming and thinking what could I have done to save her. Now my world is so empty. I don't feel like doing anything at all.I don't think I will be happy again.
My mom was the apple of my eye. Mom, I miss you a lot.

Alliekat · November 14, 2018 at 7:32 pm

Both Amy and Jason are immensely brave people <3

lexibug · December 16, 2018 at 5:08 pm

Loss my mother last year and I lost my uncle and friend this year. I really can't take anymore 💔

Alexander Tannous · January 17, 2019 at 10:40 pm

C_ Farther · January 25, 2019 at 7:09 pm

Sad but true statement–we can be replaced and will be replaced. We are not as important as we think.

Shelby Cobra · February 3, 2019 at 5:26 am

Breath. Repeat

X-TREAM DOTA 2 · February 11, 2019 at 7:50 pm

Depression runs through my vains

I just cant control my emotions

I cant forget my sins

I cant accomplish anything

I cant sleep a single night

I cant enjoy a real laugh

I cant be happy and satisfied in heart

For that i need to have a heart

My hearts been taken away along with someone i love

The vacant position in my rib cage is now a mass full of saddness and sorrow

Now im just alone..sad…deppressed…

I have no one now….

I just have a memory of my only one….(a very disturbing one)

Sunshine · February 24, 2019 at 5:06 pm

May you continue to find joy in more places. Sounds to me like that's what Amy would want for you.

Gigi Gigi · February 28, 2019 at 7:36 pm

We have very similar story Mr. Jason. My Mom had Depression for many years, which in her case it is in the family gens. Her depression that I can remember happened on and off since 1990's, I was a little girl, hearing my saying things like " I want to die", I heard her crying for nothing I thought, then she started taking so many Antidepressant Pills, but she was strong most of the time, working and helping me with my son after my divorce. I notice for years that nothing nice we did made her really happy, she had that sadness in her eyes…I noticed because, I am very happy Camper LOL all the time, to me no such a thing as a problem but solution…I tried to convence her many time to stop taking those strong drugs but, she was already addicted to the antidepressants…My Mom started getting sick again in the beginning of 2018 I was taking care of her, as usual my Dad and I took her many times to the Psychiatrist and Neurologist and more pills for her to take until the afternoon of October 5th, 2018 that she was lying down on the sofa at the living room and called my name, I went to see her, then my Mom looked at me and said: Gisa I am dying, I Love You, and she kissed my lips and left to heaven serenely in my arms…I Cried and Screamed the neighbors came to help to put her in the car to take her to the Hospital but, I knew that she was gone. I am the only child, and thought that she was going to live forever…The Pain that I feel is ENORMOUS seems that it is never gonna go away, and I will never forget that Good Bye, She died at home in my harms.
I know how you feel. My Mom Maria was 80 years old, she only died at this age because of the Prescription Drugs that made her heart stop, she never had any disease in her life. It is very sad.

Rosemary Dolliver · March 1, 2019 at 4:45 pm

Thank you, Jason! I lost my second husband to cancer treatment this past November, 2018. I’m older now and you give me hope that I’ll find “joy” again one day. My first loss, we had two years and talked much about his dying. This time, it happened so fast, we never had that important conversation and I feel so lost, even surrounded by friends trying to cheer me up. Again, thank you for sharing your story about your love, Amy.

David Coomber · March 17, 2019 at 8:59 pm

Thank god I have taste in my grief to not be this guy, public showbiz embarrassing. I like millions of people have lost someone very dear but we don't turn it into a stage act

Melissa2087 · March 31, 2019 at 4:44 am

I lost my mom March 2018. She came home on hospice care with a week to spare. I took care of her the whole week. It's so true… I will NEVER forget the images and sounds of that last week. Right after my mom died, I cried for 5 minutes and I was done with being sad. I thought something was wrong with me. There were no unanswered questions, zero regrets. No confusion or extreme sadness, just logic. My mom was no longer on the planet and I immediately dealt with that reality, which didn’t seem normal. I reached out not only to a group I’ve been a part of for quite some time for caregivers and dealing with illnesses with parents as well as my own therapist. I was given the best advice (and made me cry harder than probably anything because they were spot on) which was :“Those thoughts are VERY normal. You've done so much for so long for others. Of course you miss and love your mom. But if life is like a book. That chapter in your life is over. Its time for you to create your own life and more chapters. You can breath your own fresh air and make plans for tomorrow. She is in a better place watching her daughter make her own way in life. You did a great thing taking care of her. You did it out of love not duty. But as the years past, and you miss so many things that young people take for granted. Those things you did out of love also became a burden. Be proud of yourself and never feel guilty for being happy your free. Your a good person and a fine daughter. Its time to live the life you were meant to live.“ Those words were some of the most powerful words ever. It’s not a relief of her being a burden. It was a relief of her not suffering anymore and I would do it all again. I love the fact that I don’t have any regrets when it comes to my mom. My only goal at the end was to get her out of that horrible rehab center and I did it with a week to spare. I know she was so grateful for that. I love her and miss her so much.

Nancy Senechal · March 31, 2019 at 10:50 pm

He can paint a picture of what a beautiful sendoff he had with his wife…how about those that lost a loved one through a sudden tragic death…accident…murder…and why does CANCER always gain the most attention? My husband wasn’t sick a day in his life and taken from us suddenly…no explanation…glad your wife PREPARED you…because not everyone is gifted with the “last kiss”…..

Miri St · April 4, 2019 at 10:21 pm

So beautiful talk

Rigel Moon · April 14, 2019 at 9:49 am

Like Jason, my continuously watering eyes were just a single word from an open floodgate of tears.  I lost my beautiful wife a month ago.  We were together, fused at the heart, for 43 amazing years.  She died at home through Hospice from the last illness I would ever expect from a vibrant, intelligent and bursting-with-life-and-wonder human being: dementia.  The last few months of her life saw her lose the ability to hold her bowel or bladder contents.  Up until the last week of her life, she was eating very well, drinking, never sick to her stomach.  We expected death, but not that soon.  Please…Please.  If you have a life partner who you are in love with, I beg you to kiss her/him a thousand times a day….hug her, hug her, and hug her some more.  Never stop telling your loved ones that you love them with total mind, body and soul.  Tell people you barely know that you love them…..This is a gift of the heart that costs you nothing.  It could ease the pain when those around start to disappear; and, you lose the opportunity to express your love forever.  Thank you Mr. Rosenthal for this personal glimpse into your world of grief.  I will think of you often as I go through my own.

Nigel Day · April 20, 2019 at 4:38 pm

😢. Your first wife sounds wonderful, Jason. You’re so brave. Thank you for sharing this with the world x. I could hug you now

TUFF GONG GB · May 4, 2019 at 7:52 am


Jade Maslow · May 6, 2019 at 11:51 pm

This is absolutely beautiful!

Theresa Choo · May 10, 2019 at 8:37 am

Death of someone we love so deeply…leaves profound and immense memories no one can steal…
Painful heartaches and sadness that only God can heal.
I watched this through tears pouring down as i could relate every bit of he shared.
My prayer for Jason and all out there…that we will find comfort and strength in God as we continue this grief journey ..# tillwemeetagain.

Kimberly Barrera · May 20, 2019 at 5:49 pm

I lost my father 4/10/2019 this video pop up in suggestions

Grief INSPIRED · May 26, 2019 at 2:39 am

Loss is inevitable but loss to an illness creates “anticipatory grief”. Grief begins even before they pass on. We all need to learn “how” to grieve.

DrOrson · June 3, 2019 at 3:33 am

I lost my 53 year old son May 5, 2019. After so many years separated by a toxic wife, we finally became friends and expressed our love for each other. God, I am devastated. I feel for this poor man.

Shelley Davis · June 8, 2019 at 11:56 am

What a brave brave thing to do in front of so many people. Thank you for sharing your experience. All of us will go through loss. I tragically lost my partner 8 months ago, so no goodbyes, no last wishes, no permissions..

the way he described Amy, how in sync they were, was exactly how we were.. it feels as if having to take deep breaths thinking so what am I supposed to be doing here on earth still.. it's such a confusing journey to be on, questioning your life and having no answers to "so now what" questions. It makes even the strongest person intensely vulnerable. It takes away from you and at the same time, you get to know yourself in such a raw state.

Still throughout all this guy's pain, there's gratitude. Bittersweet. There's no magic wand, we learn to live with the loss.. we learn to live with pain and because we do it so often, it becomes bearable

Sarah L · June 13, 2019 at 11:10 pm

Exactly a month ago today (May 13th) I lost my best friend, partner in crime, and overall the person I trust the most after he got into a coma from hanging himself. I miss him more and more each day, I’ll miss and love my partner in crime forever. What destroys me is that I’ll never know why he committed suicide. Nobody saw it coming. He was always happy and smiling and even on the day he did it he made jokes in school the whole day. I’ll always miss him, I hope he’s doing well I heaven

Daisy The Dunce · June 17, 2019 at 4:25 am

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Judi Welch · June 23, 2019 at 1:16 pm

Lost my husband just yesterday. This is healing to hear. I am immersed in grief.

SweetestGapeach1127 · June 24, 2019 at 4:50 am

These are similar images of my mom.. she passed June 8, she also had hospice set up at home. She fell at home they sent her to hospice care instead of the hospital. Her nurse took 5 hrs to get to her home & when the took her to hospice she gave up & in 24hrs in the facility. She left me😭 I was there and I felt like I had to leave.. so I fixed her pillows. Her covers. & kisses her on her forehead.. rubbed my face on her face. Cheek to cheek.. told her I love her and I’d be back in the morning. I got the call 10mins after I left.. she was gone.. I went back and she was just laying there.. my heart 💜 my 1st luv.. gone😭

she was cremated… as she wished.

SweetestGapeach1127 · June 24, 2019 at 4:52 am

Great strength 💜💜💜🙏🏾🙏🏾

Judi Welch · June 24, 2019 at 12:17 pm

So lonely in empty bed . Forty years together. Sad beyond words….so hard to go forward. Want to live in past.

Teresa Basinger · June 25, 2019 at 1:58 pm

On June 5th, 2019, I lost my husband of almost 32 years. I buried him, June 10th. June 16th, Father's day. June 20th was our 32 anniversary. June 20th, 2019, was also the last day of my mother's life. She was killed in a 1 car accident. We buried her Sunday. So, in just 2 weeks, 2 of the most important people in my life, are gone. I believe in an afterlife. So, it's my hope, I will see them again.

aydin varan · July 1, 2019 at 10:35 pm

I lost my dad two years ago and this is his youtube account. I don't want to delete his account, I don't want to delete him from anywhere.

karanja paul · July 3, 2019 at 2:18 pm

Lost my mum, at times get sad, broken but i push on

MOTIVATED LIVING · July 9, 2019 at 4:11 am

Thank you for sharing this. My deepest condolences.
My father had committed suicide several years ago, and I did not really know how to deal with it. I know this is not the same as losing a partner. Me being one who doesn't like to talk about my feelings, I kept it all bottled up. This led me down a destructive path.
I made a video on my channel sharing what helped me to finally have closure and peace. Granted, the pain is still there, but is manageable now.
This is the link to the video. I hope you will not mind me sharing this here. I want to try to help people by sharing what has helped me.

T C · July 13, 2019 at 6:00 pm

Beautiful and thank you for sharing.

Dima Konovalov · July 27, 2019 at 9:30 am

My mom dead the same way and from the same cancer….. rip 5/25/18

levi Anderson · July 29, 2019 at 7:25 am

leaves from the vine… falling so slow… like fragile tiny shells… drinfting in the foam… little soldier boy… come marching home… little soldier boy… come marching home…

Jeremy Cornwell · July 29, 2019 at 5:06 pm

When people in my family started dying, I started my research.

Kalan Y · August 12, 2019 at 6:10 pm

I like your shoes and your truthful eyes. You're children are so very lucky to have a father so strong.

Sheila Njeri · August 27, 2019 at 6:50 pm

I lost my Dad last October… I have never accepted him leaving and it kills me everyday. He was my rock and his upcoming birthday is destroying me. I never had the chance to say goodbye. I miss him so bad… I wish I had a day with him just to talk… I miss you Daddy. I love you.

OnceThereWasAPageWithAReallyLongAssNameAndNowYouAreLookingAtAChannelWithAReallyLongName! · September 5, 2019 at 5:10 am

Scouring YouTube to find meaning again, these Ted Talks about death and grief help to a degree, I still wouldn't mind seeing her again though.

Marry Poppins · September 9, 2019 at 6:41 am

I lost my mother and brother at the same time! two for one sick deal. how unbearable that was, which casket to grieve to? not enough fuckn time! & peoples insensitive comments "it was there time" "there in a better place" "they suffer no more" i wanted to punch every single one in the face it is not your pain! you share not my anguish! Got dam humanity brushing off your condolences as fast as your quick to answer a txt, back to what you do & what about me? how do I learn to live agian?

Russell Goradesky · September 17, 2019 at 3:31 am

Is this loss?

Ashleigh Hennessy Official · September 23, 2019 at 9:10 am

I wrote a song about my friend who took his own life. Its called Ryans song and its just about how grateful I am that he was in my life. X

Tay Off The Top · September 25, 2019 at 1:41 pm

So Powerful. Grief& Goodbye… The Final Acts Of Love 💘

White Sapphire · September 26, 2019 at 2:18 pm

I lost my only child, that sort of grief is impossible to get over.. I survive with my life now living on antidepressants. The pain is so intense & the tears never stop unless I’m on my meds.. Grief never ends, so just have to learn to live your life differently & do what ever it takes to go on.

Emil Gonzalez · October 3, 2019 at 3:30 pm

I lost my mother in my home too and I will never forget the moment she died. They came to take her body the next day.

Losing someone you love and navigating your life after is even harder.

kitetoy28 · October 7, 2019 at 3:24 am

Thank you thank you. You have accurately expressed and described the feelings I cannot put into words. Losing the love of my life, It feels I have lost mine too. I will try and find a way to fill my “blank piece of paper”. God bless you.

Eric Andersen · October 12, 2019 at 2:02 am

Thank you for that. I needed it today.

khanage360 · October 14, 2019 at 10:54 am

I lost my mother last week I feel pain and my chest feels heavy *crying 😢😥😭💔

B B · October 16, 2019 at 5:44 am

I have similar images of my significant other that haunt me every day. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye. I had previously lost my grandmother, which was heartbreaking, but expected. It's different with someone in their 30's that you've spent your entire adult life with.

Jordan Lever · October 20, 2019 at 12:07 am

I just lost my Dad. This showed up on my feed. It does make you wonder.

Glenna Martin · October 20, 2019 at 1:54 am

Well done!!!

She-Ra Princess of Power · October 28, 2019 at 8:32 pm

Crying about James Budden.

Stella Ercolani · November 6, 2019 at 7:17 pm

What an incredible human experience. Such comfort during g the grief of the loss of my mother

Susan Smith · November 7, 2019 at 3:01 am


Sally Black · November 10, 2019 at 9:44 pm

I lost my 30 year old son 2 months ago. It has been a struggle. We were very close and in contact daily. it's been super painful.

Laura Hulland · November 10, 2019 at 11:01 pm

I lost my wonderful kind funny mum to Stage 4 Ovarian cancer on 11th Sept. 2 months tomorrow and it feels like years ago since I saw her and like only yesterday. We dreaded the end. She especially was afraid of what was to come for her, but in the end she had a cardiac arrest at home, she basically didnt wake up that day. It was a blessing for her, but very sudden for us. The shock still takes my breath away. I can clearly see her face in the hospital after she died and I wish I had stayed with her for a bit and really digested it. But we were so in shock we left. I don’t think I handled it at all well.

Al Lo · November 12, 2019 at 12:36 am

Just today I glanced over at a photo of my father smiling. It caused me to tear up😢 I miss him. It’s been ten months of his passing.

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