Jersey Shore Family Vacation S3E5 Ranchelor Party 25 July 2019

Published by Darron Toy on



I really need to get Mike out of post for stress so I took the initiative hook a dude ranch we ran in Secaucus no boy Jenny's definitely doing what I did went down with me Jen I just try to act like he was fine but you're going through a divorce I think Ron and Nicole are spiraling they might not cause I drink away from [Applause] situation under construction best idea see now seventh day it'll do it are you crazy oh my god you're singing hey let's go eat all right we'll come back me Nicole decide you know what everyone's going to dinner like you don't want to go to another dinner we'll just hang out in the bar just us to know how to go my dear [Laughter] so I'm trying to feeding the call right now because she's spiraling big time and I'm like you need to eat and she's like okay I'll eat she was like like why didn't know I was at dinner with my daughter it's been your hair you can't eat it it's it's still in your hair Schnucks alive then snip call you got all the girl on set oh yes thank you so much again what size @cj right now and sir he is 14 and something inches he's 2.2 pounds I think he's a coconut right now Oh or an eggplant whoa you're no fun fact you were once in your grandmother lose girls develop eggs while they're in the womb so you were technically in your grandmother what no world I'm not crazy there are these theories that they're these underground like these worlds yeah within our world I believe it who's to say there's not another earth with like people like us on there they're really maybe they're not throwing me in jail in that situation she got probation my question I have is the kitto Guido in another youniverse na kita 80 car course is the other Peter Guido in ketosis exactly does he even have a beard doesn't even live with his mother does he still drive a Cobalt what if in another world I wasn't your girl's favorite DJ another world he definitely has like a hair part is the alternate universe sounds scary there could be like a pulley D that is it fresh to death God in an alternate universe did Snooki ever finds the beach did the other Oni pull out unlike his couch did the other Ronnie really go to the caucus is Ronnie's film exam in the other run/stop alternative universe Rhodey I want to go to bed Snooks I'll lay down myself hold onto me go on the boat I'm not going back come on let's go in there can you push that put you in the water right now push it in the water it's like attempted murder Oh pushing me out Wow so pretty what's happening obviously no strippers yeah everyone was so worried they wanted to talk about it so why isn't everyone worried about Jenny going through a divorce I put myself out here when everyone else it doesn't they hide what they want I have a problem with it I don't feel good at all yesterday was a country spiral Holi happy hair day I think I'm still drunk what I'm such a degenerate went on with these this is what happens when you leave me what we call all day I know I just have to get ready to drink again howdy cowboy how do yo you look handsome in that cowboy hat you toot I know it's just the boots the beard the Hat Oh calm down that it's just like you're just in alignment I'm gonna leave you here I brought bachelor games with name I wanted to have the bachelor party up here or attempt to buy keep it open-ended because I wasn't sure how his moods were gonna be up here bro he seems to be really happy and it might be our last time before the wedding getting together you know any excuse to party I'm in but it's like I had to set it up like my kids birthday parties innocent yeah I felt like I don't know buy the bar we could decorate it make it cute game Shirley temple's good foods I'm done I'm not doing that I went back in in cabinet Ronnie's he's out for the count oh he can't handle his liquor I remember my first time I got drunk yo I'm feeling it's fishing here today let's go back in the boat yo Mike give us a push my J hey well I thank ya I tell Jenny that I agree with her that we're gonna keep it PG but a situation used to be the situation I mean girls should've begged to see his abs I'm not gonna let this man hey go while on his bachelor party leave that in the fate of this girl's handling why would the girls handle a bachelor party makes no sense to me so what about if it's not like a normal bachelor party and like you know there's no drink it's gonna be more like fun games no sentence why did he call it like a bachelor party sound like a big cutout of Warren like instead of tying a tail on the donkey it's like pin and Mike on Laurens obviously no strippers yeah we need stripping that's not way we all know Michael Sorrentino is a good guy is like a saint but the situation deserves a real bachelor party boys could be the show we should have her driver she kind of found no no like she has to be a stripper like Mike we got the stripper and he's like oh gosh van strippers I'm on call this guy that hooks it up I spun out here a long time ago this guy gave me his number he says I'm the plug for everything dancer you never know when you're gonna need a plug exactly [Applause] we kind of miss you Sam he's doing good but he misses you yeah yeah what up slim yo you come through for me or what my dude we have this big bachelor party and it's a surprise I want to surprise him with some hot girls we was wondering if you would come up tonight and surprise him I'll make it work I'll find a way to be there cuz I know he needs me yes okay we're so excited love you Lauren bye now all right stop talking about girls party just got a whole lot better he would be mad but the girls would expand on [Applause] it's a nice can be exciting over these flies they're so aggressive then another bee oh that's a fault that's a loss that's a loss that's a sucks don't bring Guido's to the wild yeah I'm fine can we go decorate if I get stung by a bee there yes again let's do it we have a big day today because we are planning Mike's bachelor party and I love decorating with one it's like my site so I'm excited to get this party started I'm in charge of balloons I'm in charge of drinking wine so fine horse now right yeah let you one believe into one look employs first it's not let Mike warmup so we want to set up the surprise for Mike so me and Pauly have to distract him because we have like a lot of setting up to do I get buckets by today's buckets holy buckets deep it's definitely not that hard to misdirect Mike you could literally just like put a cheeseburger to the right he'll just look what y'all think it is [Applause] I had a prediction hot right we're so excited for tonight honestly because even though there's not strippers which I don't even think Mike likes Lauren she's drunk Lauren's get it together oh I cannot wait from like to see Lawrence I feel like he'll be just like a kid in a candy shop we're gonna say Mike we got you a stripper then he's gonna like freak out and then Lawrence is gonna smile all right we're gonna move to the Love Shack so being that we have an extra cabin because Deena didn't want to sleep in there why not make it like a Love Shack for Mike and Lauren I think it's pretty we're gonna decorate it make it beautiful and romantic so when Lawrence gets here they can have some sexy time we shot and asked this chaps you put these on did it get weird here bread's do we have yeah we also Lauren's and she's gonna come oh god this is gonna be bad about that me Paulie I'm gonna tell you we had a surprise me–i Napoleon invited some guests wait whoa it's a bachelor party will batch but again without stripping I'm sorry you can have a bench player all strippers everybody knows how many seven cool of course the boys have to invite strippers they couldn't go three days without freaking bodies I think Lauren's is gonna get really pissed off that they got strippers Mike so it'll be like you know no I'm dodging them daddy annoying it's annoying Ronny remember these strippers are for Mike we're not dealing with any more hot tub Jacuzzi shutting doors dramas out here in the adhirata are we going anywhere that I should just stay in this I have no idea we're gonna eat right now right yeah anything we're going right into the thing troll out VIN get your Kido Guido asshole we have been waiting for you all day time to go Lauren run away I love that Jenny's drinking beer that's awesome I like a good liquid bread it's loving this game time we got keep straight face don't get up make sure Mike eats his dinners but somehow maneuver him back so everyone surprises him at the saloon I think we should say grace this may be the last time y'all see me no I'm a big man well guys I'd like to thank all you guys for coming to get me I was not gonna come out here I was gonna just stay home with Lauren I was sort of forced to come but at the same time once I got here I was so happy because there would be no a bunch of people that I would be able to enjoy myself around except for you guys and Lawrence these guys right here are my best friends we've been through so many ups and downs went through everything together I'm very grateful to have them by my side for the support right now I love every one of you guys even me even you're running you got so much and I'm grateful that we have each other in each other's life today so you're here thank you guys so much love you guys love you too I love the fact that Mike is saying thank you to us for bringing him up here because honestly we didn't know what was going on like he didn't want to come and then we have to kind of kidnap him and I feel like he's in a good mood right now but mean wait places Lauren there better be frickin tears and on that note I'm gonna get some dessert same when I was before walking back to the room cuz I forgot my phone you need why do we need him to be so what guys can't go on the other girl and like yeah I feel like this is perfect because Mike is one of the most nicest sweetest guys so he can't say no who wins you get carrot cake peanut butter cake and chocolate rocky road what we walk back to my room I'm after on my phone I want to go home yeah sure fue I'm gonna get um cheesecake nailed it right over his head you go ma'am yeah I feel naked without ever you ready let's go walk with her I think you can see something's up no you don't know I think you think something's up but he'll never think what we got planned yeah the best part of this thing is like it's almost like a print because there's no idea I want to call it an early night hell yeah let's go can't wait to see the look on his face when he sees the ships [Applause] about it oh here's how I know Mike doesn't know what's in store for him by his outfit if Mike had an inkling he dress up a bit he put pants on no oversized shorts oversized hoodie I'm like this mother clueless can't wait to get back to Lauren's and mosey they're coming remember he doesn't know Lawrence is coming what we let it go in come in today going in I don't know you go in [Applause] come in [Applause] huh didn't expect that mics had a rough couple of days and gone through his own motions so I think that him walking and seeing every throw my ranch lo party and put him in good spirits it's good to see if he's actually genuinely like surprised and happy getting that pitch out of it gonna spend like around 10 times first 80s goodnight now you go they go they go right for funny dude I can't believe my roommates pulled off something like this [Applause] these guys are the best and I love him to death we want to go a little low [Applause] you know seeing my smiling and laughing playing the game it just makes me happy because I feel like we did good so basically you're gonna take the card and you're gonna put it on your head you wanna be the guesser okay great day you look at Bank it was a club that you sleep in beat the beat up banging the ground as the beat bills is that beats hitting us so we'll fight him back it's like we beat up that beat [Applause] okay let me do this one that's hard okay Rach I know just say Secaucus Mike [Applause] Ronnie's a nickname now is iff iff as the foundation he's a client and the president no no no I would have felt bad if there was strippers here yeah we did want to do that to respect the wife yeah exactly and like where the whoever gets strippers out here we wouldn't do that my dude and then we didn't want to bring any strippers around Ronny you know he gets like nobody else has their own lives it's always Ronnie's life and I just get agitated because they want to make my life the butt of the joke you know what it's starting to become like alright well like enough is enough oh my god Mike wants to go to bed because he's missing Lawrence obviously and she really wanted her to be here and now he's like cool they didn't invite Lawrence but we did so you're not going anywhere do you think he was just doing that to make me jealous because he was totally texting me all night last night and I don't know it's a booty call or not best man's duties I don't use this word lightly but we're here host I didn't want to say either like the H word but hey back not what Lawrence that with me because the boys ordered strippers my love bachelor party's this time yes so we're just gonna do an overall plan we'll get the strippers to come in first and then we got to get them out of here before Lawrence shows up I'm looking for Kali D how long the parties here okay if I could just have you just wait one moment we see if I can find them to place all right sounds good I got some guests who were looking for he's gonna hate this more because they do it that yeah nice to meet you thanks for coming thank you so much yeah don't make us tell you how to do it the worst thing that could happen now is mike is having such a good time and we ruin it by putting a bunch of random vagina in his face coming up to a choice what we'll see what happens that's all I can say I won't see any man hi thank you let's smash yeah everyone is helping cover the strippers interest by playing with the chair so Mike can't see these girls walk in and want to be surprised so entertainment for the tonight oh we got a situation [Applause] oh hell no Lorenz would not like this I've never seen Mike this nervous or no strippers he definitely looks petrified look amazing but they're literally twerking their vaginas in Mike's face oh my God we're gonna ruin this kid's life right now oh my god Moyes is gonna kill me I will not dishonor my queen and this particular point I've had enough I gotta pull the eject button then I gotta get out the best part of this like mike has no idea we can have the strippers make my coil uncomfortable and they be like hold up one more second we got one more stripper for you and then bring out Lauren's blindfold and I'm getting hurt so you say yeah one more surprise come on Jack mike is so shook right now one more surprise hello what now no more surprises guys and definitely no more strippers you thought that was something that was bad in there he wants to see oh man give it a second Mike just wait [Applause] just wait take the blindfolds [Applause] tonight's been a rollercoaster of emotions but this is the best surprise ever when Lauren's is around I feel like the universe is whole again oh my god success successful dude ranch cab nice to meet you it's hard to say goodbye to strippers I hate to see him leave I mean thanks for coming love to see him walk away but honestly this isn't goodbye this is just see you in my dance enjoy that love with Moses it's already out there so I would love for me and Jenny to have a moment of like where I can talk to her and like maybe have her confide in me every time I try not to talk to her she goes silent what's going on with a new Roger and you just filed for divorce and like you're oh I'm just let's go to a dude ranch and no it just it doesn't make sense you just want transparency like let's look at the other people that are not being transparent all right guys let's go to the campfire I don't want to sit on the campfire listen a book we are family were roommates we bounce off each other we're here to support each other when I was going through everyone was so worried they wanted to talk about it so why isn't everyone worried about Jenny going through a divorce I'm killing it sky real squaw I wanna stay away from all three of them right now it's like how are you going through a rough time and you don't want to confide in nobody what up I'm done I'm over it why are you looking at me I am very one bird I don't take stealing because ain't happening tonight Saul didn't stop looking at me making for it so I look like an anthem psycho so what do you think about it this place boring I'm not a big camping person same thank you sir I'm calling you wanna make s'mores I'm mrs. shivers they were hot yeah like I like the movie is very really nice mmm smells good no Vinnie s'mores and he sleeps a nice trunk this is the life campfire smores families like family actually not that kind of family what kind of family them family that you left season one was nine years ago it doesn't define who I am today oh damn straight I'm a totally different person why are you looking at me I didn't say one word and don't say cuz ain't happening tonight Angelina is delusional everyone around this campfire is starting with you I didn't say one more happy as long as you're nice all didn't stop looking at me making rice I didn't say one word to you I haven't spoken to Angelina in a few days so of course Angelina is like backed up with talking don't look like an oak I haven't said one word Thanks so she's gonna start with me to get out all the talking that she hasn't done over this whole trip cuz this girl cannot resist talking to me meaning yes that's what I mean when I say family you guys listen whoever planned this surprise whoever planned a surprise Touche you're welcome we also got you guys a cabin Oh for real word very sexually it's very nice yeah and it's a very romantic oh oh thank you thank you guys all right guys go to to go do sex all right send us video some alone time is definitely needed right now your cabin awaits my darling all right like those powers are cute real words this right here these guys continue to surprise me oh my god you know save a horse ride a cowboy look big okay I'm gonna go show you love you alright I'm gonna head to bed are you tired J I'm tired and I have to pack I am leaving very late at night for Grayson's appointment so I won't see in the morning good night girls safe travels good night do you like Vinny Angelina in what sense just has like a person I wish Vinny wouldn't come back down from his ego and be a human same was exactly actually my favorite thing to do in the whole entire world is instigating and egging on the whole Angely infinity to beef I love it I think he's jealous of you in Salinas I I don't know I think his ego I think he needs to eat some humble pie humble pie yes I was telling him that earlier I don't know why he actually been asking husband that question I don't know trust me I'm gonna have a long talk with him after this you should straight up maybe he's not happy with himself and he's an insecure person well you nailed it I was gonna say that too eventually the smarts gonna be wrapped off his face not by me but just by life whoa he knows you're right buddy shut up but the end of the day I'm happy Who I am as a person good for you that's all that matters it matters at this point it is what it is I'm literally sitting at this campfire not saying a word I'm not looking Angelina's away I don't ever look Angelina's way yet she is just like going on and on I wish you would actually be somebody to tell something to somebody's face for life really for once and I'm not talking and the more I'm not talking the more she keeps going it's like feeding her I think he should take down his ego a little bit right Ron yep punching out so I don't know what to do I'm just like looking at the Stars like looking for Jupiter no Vinny I don't have a problem in him I just think that he he just talked about me for no reason he had the problem you but well eventually happen eventually we're all gonna die no eventually I'll be a nurse and he's like you're gross and it's like no but I'm actually like a nurse what if you need this stitches you have to go see this woman what would you think he's screwed that's my cue to go to sleep that's my cue just to jump off a bridge honestly I'm glad I was able to say that to Vinnie's face I know Vinnie for so long and he actually he never knew me and now he walks around Paulie like he's and it's like no bro ain't happy no it means he's probably still talking to herself right now right now still talking where Shh you can hear her right now talking about me his eating habits said the way he just looks at me the way he talks about me it's just it's just it's enough tomorrow like the sun's gonna come up she's still gonna be out there just talking just talking talking Toria to the fire I listen to this over and over and it's getting old and I need to be accepted for who I am I accept you thank you that's why I like you as a person cuz you actually accept me some of them don't you know it's just annoying how do you feel Ronnie is being strangely quiet you know I think something's going on with him I hope he's okay I hope he's alright I really I'm nervous about Ron right now I'm just spend I'm just at a point where it's a lot of stuff that's just really just starting to bother me I give up what I don't get with the divorce thing right hey we all know stuff about each other and it just seems like everyone just wants to put Mike out there but at the same time ignore Jenny and what she's going through out of respect if I was going through a divorce or just having a problem like I would want you guys to know I would just be like listen I need therapy this shows that there's just a lack of respect they have for me in my life because what was going on with me and Jen everyone wanted to talk about him I was like I was their entertainment when I put myself out here and everyone else doesn't they hide what they want I'm you where's she going she's leaving yes gotta go or you know what they're increasing by tonight at the end of the day as a big found elephant in the room fake just think about your life your fake about everyone else's life is fake okay the first one approach 1/2 inch of horse to talk about it first one man I'd be like I need help man I need to talk to earlier at the bar high things like gloomy without you guys pull her aside and you're like yeah yeah how are you how are you dealing with it she just over don't talk about that here like what I was like someone to me talk about it later like okay like I'd rather you talk about it whether it's good or bad at least I know you feel something yeah you you acting like you feel nothing that doesn't work for nobody ever like we me and Jenna fight and she actually that makes me warned that you know be real I'm not trying to be disrespectful but Jenny wants to brush it under the rug and thankfully that doesn't exist stop acting like you're not hurting that's what I'm saying that's not acting like you're not hurting but she is hurting there's no way that this man is I know what he's going through to be with somebody that's so cold and shows no emotion and there's just so and all you do is give and give and get it hurts always like other people's problems and like nobody wants to address it but like you have to address everything you know I mean Jenny just acts like everything in her life is peaches and gravy and she just wants to judge everyone else and their relationship and tell Angelina this is what you should say what you shouldn't say Ronnie this is what you should do and like this is look like bitch you ain't perfect but do you give us once fake and not in touch with their emotions are not commutative and like you I get it that's why I made Roger so close could've been dealing with the same person where it's like you know we're not asking for much we're just asking for real-life emotion it's the worst thing ever even somebody and not know how they feel terrible you might as well be with corpse I feel like a lot goes on in Ron's head I feel like he's going through a lot him a baby mama and he's got to fix things right now in his relationship that doesn't make me happy putting myself in such a vulnerable position and mine was every religion that was my fault because I did the instagrammed and it was dry God and you know it might break us and it might make us stronger but at least I know I was real just don't don't beat yourself up about anything that's gonna happen in the future it it is what it is just worn out don't worry about get you upset make it up don't tired yeah I'm tired we definitely all are going through our own stuff and it's real like you know it's like when I kids anymore you know so it's like we guess we do tread lightly sometimes but I feel like people don't tread lightly when it comes to me all right can I run nice to all the bad memories that I had to go through is it joke to everybody else I got jumped last yeah we're Secaucus it's a cop Jenn coming tonight yeah we're taking a phone in a car beanie Ronnie's pregnant he knocked up Jen again oh my god pull them like that's not real friendship I know what real friends are gonna have a choreographed dance that the groomsmen and Mike are gonna do the Lawrence dude a jump kick got the floor pregnant I don't think he actually can show up because I think he's missing teeth well Ronnie this connection I don't even know if he's gonna be able to come to the wedding


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