Published by Darron Toy on

hey guys so it is the next day we have some laundry we have to put away it but I just want a document it is literally storming again I feel like another tree is gonna fall I can't that's all it's doing this stormy another storm another day here in Kentucky I'm so tired of the storm I'm gonna go crazy crazy I think I'm already going praying easy hey guys so I know I heard the vlog I think it's been about 40 minutes and I'm just doing some $1.00 just a little bit of coloring because I kind of want to document this I've I've doubled my dosage of my mood stabilizer I think today is day five and I don't know what just came over me I still kind of feel it and it's a little terrifying I don't know if it's from the medicine or what it is but I do want to document this I felt like this rush of anxiety go through me it was very faint but I started to become numb not like physically numb but mentally numb towards everything and everyone and I'm just I was sitting here and I was just like I felt like I didn't care for anyone or anything and it kind of felt like a depressive episode like where I just felt kind of like I don't know it was really weird it almost felt like an out-of-body experience where I was like watching myself feel this way and it's kind of creeping me out and I want to go away because I still kind of feel it and it's like a heavy feeling in my chest it kind of feels like there's like this just this big depressing situation like I just feel like I don't understand it though because I haven't felt like this and I've actually been feeling a little bit better and I don't know if it's environmental or if it's the medicine or medicines making the were so the medicines not working it probably it could have nothing to do with medicine like we we don't know but I just really wanted to like document this moment it was pretty terrifying so I thought I would just turn on the camera and maybe talk it away or something but it just feels so like it almost makes me feel guilty that I feel this way where I'm just feeling numb towards everything and everyone but I know it's like all just like a mental problem at this moment because that's not me I usually feel everything super strongly so it's giving me anxiety that I feel this way so it's like this is like this vicious cycle just like I don't know it's just not feeling very good at all and it's scary and like I feel like I want to cry but I'm trying to like ignore it and like push it away and push it down okay so Becky was out she had to go help her sister with something and she brought me food this is a veggie burger from this one restaurant what's a cold it's right here wings and rings buffalo wings wings and I really like their veggie burger comes with lettuce tomato I take this mate off but the veggie burger has this like soft stuff I don't know it's pretty good and then I just got potato wedges on the side so I'm gonna eat this and we're going to watch a movie see I don't like tomatoes so I take it out but there's also cucumber on here usually things come with like pickles but it's cucumber and it adds like a fresh taste which is super delicious so I actually showed you guys this mandala a few videos ago and I wanted to give you an update on it that's what looks I think it looks really really good I love it hey guys so I just wanted to update you from earlier I'm not feeling that like weird numb feeling I'm worse than just like feeling like today is just like a bad day I don't know why I don't know what it's about I feel like it might be in the air and to be honest I don't know I just like I'm agitated and a little Moody and stuff which is weird because I haven't been in a while but I just figured I'd get some fresh air outside still have not been in the pool because I still don't know how I'm gonna get in and out quite like roll in I roll out what's up oh I don't know Ricky was texting me so he's just I honestly don't know what he's good but um he's going to a party mm-hmm Becky had to go to the store because she's gonna clean out the trash cans I don't even want to say this but there's Matt gift I have a very bad fear of novels like literally if I see one I will just like almost vomit I don't know what it is so I told her we can just like buy new trash cans because I said something about like one of them is broken or whatever I don't know but I'm talking about the trash cans that are outside not our kitchen trash cans cuz that would be really gross so this might not be everyone's favorite but this is one of mine this angle is bad this is one of my most favorite dresses from torrid I have ever bought I love the colors I love grey with the floral and it feels like just a very like chill t-shirt t-shirt oh it is so nice it's thin I'm obsessed this isn't a size four for anyone wondering because I know there are a lot of people who are my size who also like torrid so this is a size four and this is how it fits so it's pretty nice so sadly the purse that I have been using I so we decided to break so I'm gonna go back to wearing this the first I'm using now is super small so I can actually fit more stuff in here I'm also going to switch up my wallet finally I'm gonna use this one loves it so I just got done having a little crying moment about an hour ago I cried a lot cuz like I said today is just not my day so I was sitting here and I was just like what could make me so better and I just thought sometimes you need a change of pace so Becky and I decided that's tomorrow we're gonna go on our own little staycation I don't know what you really call it like I don't know the difference between a vacation or a staycation but we're gonna go to Lexington and we're just gonna go stay in a hotel for however long I'm not sure how long but that's what we're gonna do tomorrow and she does have an appointment tomorrow so after her appointment because Eric also has an appointment so we're gonna have to drop off Eric and then we're gonna go and we're gonna have fun and we're just gonna do the do and I know you know at this wait things are more difficult for me but I'm still gonna do them I'm still gonna try and I don't want to stop living life just because I'm the size that I am I you know I have been losing a little bit of weight it's not like a lot but I've been losing a little bit of weight so that's good Becky over there is officially down 30 pounds and I'm like oh I know she's like I can't tell but yeah she's down 30 pounds a lot of people have asked um pause Becky losing the weight what is she doing like what's her secret honestly she's just eating less she's eating whatever she wants just eating less and I think it's just coming naturally for her she's not like really trying trying but nonetheless I am very proud of her like that's amazing and it's inspirational to me down 30 pounds like who are you because you guys know at her highest she was 297 and as of today she's 267 so I'm just really proud of her and yeah so be proud with me y'all so right now Becky and I are watching movies what was the movie watched before this babe with the drag queens it was everything it was such a dummy now we're watching an instant family which I already saw in theaters so friggin good what do you think of it so far it's great she says and then after this movie I think we should probably start packing yeah she's dreading it but I mean so my because my pack I'm super like particular I have to choose an outfit then I have to choose the jewelry for the outfit and then it's like this whole thing like it's whatever but anyways I'm also coloring while we watch this hashtag mandala obsessed here's a marker you guys this is a bad habit I have created for myself I keep forgetting to end the vlogs but even if I do it like this I still want to end them I know it's poor I know it's unprofessional but I've never been professional and you all know that but I still hope you guys enjoyed this vlog I'm honestly not sure if I will be vlogging our little staycation slash vacation but you'll have to stick around and see it's just a little a little getaway but I hope you guys enjoyed this video and I'll see my next one bye

Categories: Articles


Kacey Strock · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Becky takes a 3 day weekend without amber and drops a quick 30 lbs

elizabeth brogan · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Burger and fries and Cheesecake Factory!!?????!! She is going to die for sure

And the weight loss doctor is the wrong person right? Because fried potatoes count as veggies now?

elizabeth brogan · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Wanna know what helps with mood….


Bailey_Vext · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

It's NOT the angle. Trust me.

Annelyse C · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

what town is she actually from? I was guessing Harrodsburg, KY cuz that Mexican restaurant she likes is located there. If that's the case theres literally nothing fun to do in that town so i dont blame her for wanting to leave.

Falsely Accused In Aus! · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Congratulations Becky

Faceplant1235 · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Welcome, it's called feelings, accurate for your predicament

Will you torture my cock and balls · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

0:28 me when Gorl has a joy division poster but I don’t want the band to be ruined by cringe knowing she likes them

OROCHIMARU UWABAMI · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

It's not your big pharma .it's called heart disease and you're dying from it. Heart attacks hurt too just FYI so be prepared for a terrifying painful ride really REALLY soon gorl.

Mzade2410 · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Did they not explain that 'mood stabilisers' are not an over night thing and can take up to 6 weeks to kick in.

Yolanda · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

A faint rush?! 🤔huh

kk448 · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

The fact that Becky lost that much weight without “trying trying” shows just how easy it would be for someone Amberlynn’s size to drop some elbees with relatively little effort, at least initially.

Britt R · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Where’s Dr. Now when u need him

Gloria · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Keep up the GREAT work Becky!!!

PinkFurryHat · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

She should take after eugenia cooney in that she should just do what everyone is telling her. EC got help and her ratings immediately went up. Her likes to dislikes reversed. All amber has to do is get help/get her shit together. She should honestly check into an ED facility

Principessa Italiana · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

There's at least 10 inches of grease in her hair 🤢

Clickceaded · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Amber: I quit my doctor because I couldn’t eat vegetables
Also amber: I don’t like tomatoes I threw them out

Amanda Peters · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Here is absolutely no way that is a size 4, at my heavest I was size 4 and I was 250 lbs less

Cola/ Angel · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Why still make vids when u have alot dislike

Sharondra Small · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

A vacation yeah right 😆, staycation.

Tiffany Williams · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Your hair looks so disgusting you can tell you haven't washed it in weeks, I can't only imagine what the rest of your body must smell like 😖💩💀 Poor Becky must have a really strong stomach to lay next to you and all that filth.

Veg Vixxxen · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

You going to see Dr. Now?

Erica Jackson · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Somebody's been googling side effects of a certian mood stabilizer so she'll have an excuse as to why she quit them.

Fail Zero · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Why is YouTube placing so many ads for this trash channel? It always have more dislikes than likes. You disgusting pig. Stop trying to search for sympathy.

paige b · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

I hope you leave the hotel room this time, girl I think what you felt was self awareness. That’s reality talking to you. Also it’s super interesting that you don’t look like you were crying at all.

realitydropout 7 · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am


Alicia Elliott · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Good job Becky!! On the weight loss train myself because I want to have a baby. I developed a thyroid issue when I had cancer a few years ago. But down 20 pounds. Woohoo.

SilkeeSannee · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Thats a whole lot of feelings for feeling numb girl.

Audrey Hiller · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

She has really nice hair, at least

The Geek Monster · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

The thing is, you can tell when Amber is being genuine, and when she's just bullshitting whatever comes into her head because she needs to make another video that's at least 10 minutes long to get some money. She does have the capacity for semi-intelligent, coherent conversation with the camera. But when she falls into this "I dunno? I guess? It's like? I dunno? Whatever?" crap, it's clear that she has absolutely nothing to say or show, she just wants some views and ad revenue.

The Geek Monster · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Someone who's speaking genuinely from the heart about a mental illness is not going to make? every? statement? sound? like? a question? as if they're? 13 years old? It's almost insulting, the level of bullshittery.

Amazing Art by Demilah Ramirez · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

schizophrenic Mandala

Fairy Strange · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Why can you go on a "stay-cation" but can't go see Becky's family?

Marcel Bullock · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Go Playback speed 1.25x activate. Perfect 😎

Knuddel katze · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Good job, becky!

shayfay00 · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

That's sad she can even get in the pool

Brandi Rene · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Mess. A whole ass mess. 🙄

eshna upadhyay · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

congrats becky! keep going

Sasha V · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

i’m going to the gym, thanks for reminding me what i never want to be like!

Lily Sabbath · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

I'm sad that you can no longer sit on the couch. ☹

Felicity · July 30, 2019 at 11:03 am

Oh right, YOU lost weight from sharing half a teaspoon of BS with viewers hahaha

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